The night was going along so well. Made dinner and was having a mellow evening just vegging out with Brian. Catching up on some TV and actually not working on a weekend. Next thing I know we get into a tiff over something small that of course snowballs into something big. (Funny, I think it started off with him reminding me that I have to do my art post for today and me complaining about how I didn’t want to do it!). Snippy tones are used back and forth. He leaves the room. I get livid.
Now, anger is one of those emotions that we tend to stuff down. Or we put entirely on other people rather than owning our part in it. You know, “Oh, he made me soooo mad!” When I’m coaching, I see clients not allow themselves to fully experience their anger. Instead of the anger going away, it usually builds up until things get so bad they can’t take it anymore. To practice giving ourselves permission to fully be with the anger and let it pass through us in a healthy way, I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs along with clients, we’ve stomped our feet on the ground together, we’ve punched pillows. We usually end up laughing when we’re through, surprised at how good it feels to let it all out!
Remembering that, I spy my sneakers on the floor and get the impulse to pick one up and hurl it toward the floor. Smack! Ah, that felt good. I picked up the other one and threw it on the ground, too. Thud! Wham! I could feel the energy moving out of my body.
And then it dawned on me to express the rest of my lingering anger through art. I unpeeled the wrapper on my red oil pastel so I could smear the whole thing on a big sheet of paper. As I press the crayon hard onto the page, it snaps into smaller pieces. I smear the crimson shards with my palm across the paper, feeling the heat build up from the friction. I scratch my nails like claws down the page. It’s a frenzy of color, lines and textures. I finish it off by crumpling the paper into a ball with a grunt!
After all that, I do feel better. There is a release and I am able to move on. So, I should probably go upstairs and not only apologize to Brian but also thank him for reminding me the importance of doing my art!