A Return to Chaos and the Unknown

by jenn on April 23, 2010

in Creativity,Entrepreneurship

Paint Palette

“I don’t know where to start.”

“I feel overwhelmed.”

“Nothing seems to fit together anymore.”

“What’s this all for anyway?”

“Umm… no really, WTF am I doing?!”

Ahhhh, the all-too-familiar (and at times paralyzing) signs of being at the start of something new.

I’m having to retrain myself to be with and move through this amorphous inception phase again. After months of wearing “book” blinders while I focused intently on one specific goal, now I can finally set my sights on the many other creative projects I’ve been dying to get to.

But why has it felt so hard? Why have I been resisting and avoiding? Oh, yeah, it’s because I have no idea what I’m doing! How could I? I’m just getting started. The only way to know more is to do more. To take more steps forward, dabble, and play until a picture starts to take shape.

So, I sat myself outside for a couple of hours, opened up a my laptop, and just started typing notes to myself. And I finally started to gain some momentum. Sure, I’m still overwhelmed by all the things I want to do and how I’m going to do it. But, I’m not feeling stuck anymore.

The cool thing about chaos and the unknown at the start of a creative project is that really anything can happen! (Well, anything can always happen in the creative process), but somehow it feels especially juicy at the beginning.  Now I hear myself saying:

“I wonder what could happen next?”

“Yahoo! I get to do it any way I want to!”

“Anything is possible! Rock on!”

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa April 23, 2010 at 7:17 pm

Whoo hoo! I love that energy and the deliciousness of possibility.


Rebecca Stees April 24, 2010 at 7:18 am

I’ll be excited to hear about what you choose!

aimee April 24, 2010 at 9:18 am

i completely get this! it’s just where i am at the moment – you found exactly the right words for it!

Monica April 24, 2010 at 9:22 am

YAY! the beginning is always the exciting part for me =-)

can’t wait to see what you are creating next…

Connie April 24, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Jenn? Did you write that for me? Feels like it.

Thanks, Love!

lilas April 25, 2010 at 8:12 am

very nice to discover your blog

denzil meyers April 30, 2010 at 1:02 am

hi jenn, i love this post! ah the fear. ah, the moving ahead anyway. ah, the juicy discovery & surprise. keep going, girl! best, denzil

Tara Brennan May 10, 2010 at 11:55 am

BOY can I relate to this and LOVE the acceptance of the unknown, the possibilities and the permission to go with the flow, even when you don’t know where it’s taking you. YUMMY!

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