A few days ago we wrapped up our third five-day Expressive Arts Teacher Training retreat with Chris Zydel. Each retreat gets richer and richer as we, the participants, take on more and more of the leading. I’m looking forward to the last retreat in May, where we’ll be running the show.
I had been working on the painting above for most of the second retreat and a few weekly classes. It had grown so organically and haphazardly that the pages were falling apart, the masking tape was sticking to itself, and it was always a royal pain in the ass to pin up and take down. When I got ready to put it up on the first day of the retreat, I decided to take more care in reassembling it. I laid the whole wild beast on the floor face down and carefully began taping the once unwieldy pages together. This simple act became a moving meditation of integration and once I was done with taping, I knew the painting was complete, without even lifting a brush!
I grabbed a sheet of paper to begin my next intuitive painting. It started out with some streaks of turquoise, which then became a mane, which then became a huge “My Little Pony-esque” horse (ultimately a unicorn) blowing bubble gum while taking a big dump. Oh my inner muse has quite the imagination! The weird thing was, I could even smell the sweet scent of Bubble Yum bubble gum and cotton candy as I painted those pink bubbles and clouds. (Oh and yes, I could actually smell the horse shit, too!).
After a bit of hesitation (a.k.a., my inner critic going off about how dare I do yet another huge painting!), I allowed the rest of the pony/horse to emerge and then a few other figures came into the picture.
I really love how anything goes in the intuitive painting process. We’re merely taking orders from our inner muse! When I asked her, “What’s next?” and she responded, “A bucket of fish,” I got silver and green paint and went to work, even though I thought her request was completely random. In the end, I had fun painting those fish and giving them glittery green scales.
As I do these larger paintings, I’m constantly finding myself challenged by the constraints of the physical space. I get frustrated about how I seem to make things harder for myself or I take on things that are too ambitious. The light fixture on the wall was in the way (for my last painting it was the wall speakers). But then I got inspired to have these large hands reaching out from behind the open pages, and that was quite thrilling. It reminds me how, in life, I always seem to make things work even when they feel daunting or overwhelming, and I usually will end up having fun overcoming the challenge.
Here’s a close-up of my whimsical silly kissing fish. The pink one has a Cindy Crawford mole, a crown and a purse.
I had a blast allowing the pony/horse to transform into a unicorn when I taped a sheet of paper to the ceiling and began painting a magical horn overhead while pretending I was Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel. Each painting and painting experience is always different. This one was my first large painting with a prominent, central image. While the paintings don’t necessarily have to have any particular meaning, I do feel like there is something in there about me standing more confidently in my own bigness. Rather than dancing around the issue, it was like, “Hello, here I AM!” I led a session on being big and taking up space toward the end of the retreat, and it was inspiring to see my fellow trainees step more boldly into their own bigness in the painting sessions that followed.
And here’s a lovely group shot of me and my fellow Wild Heart trainees and our wonderful leader, Chris. Linda Kennedy of Artzilla Create is right next to me, and next to her are Gloria Umbach and Priscilla Burbank. Danielle Saunders of Full Steam Arts and Nadine Hamil of Artful Dreamers Studio are flanking Chris. And the lovely Karen Fried took our photo (Karen’s next to me in the photo below).
And here we are celebrating Gloria’s birthday with delicious cheesecake and lots of laughs. I love how Chris is wearing her party hat all goofy. We topped off the night with some dancing and of course more laughs!
Last week I was at the second retreat of my year-long Expressive Arts Teacher Training program with Chris Zydel. In addition to painting daily, this time we each got to lead a movement session and shadow Chris. It was delightful getting to experience each woman’s unique energy and leadership style during their movement session. We danced, sang, stretched, practiced yoga, breathed deeply, pranced around with colored scarves, and had an all around good time.
I thoroughly enjoyed my turn shadowing Chris while the other participants painted. I had the honor of witnessing each woman’s painting process and internal creative world in more intimate detail as I observed how Chris gently supported and encouraged everyone. I learned so much about the magical dance that happens between the participants, their paintings, and their creative intuition. I can’t wait to shadow again during the next retreat and to start taking a more active role in leading intuitive painting retreats. It’s such a rich and exciting experience!
My latest giant crazy painting continued to grow and get more surreal, which was fun. I cracked up a lot at the inside jokes to myself that would suddenly appear on the page. When I take a step back and look at this one, it feels like it’s a peek into another dimension and the door in the middle is keeping out the “real world.” The painting is still not done with me yet, so I look forward to getting back to it this week at class and seeing what else emerges.
And here are my fellow teacher trainees acting silly with Chris. We had lots of great laughs all week! Can’t wait for the third retreat at the end of February.
I’m back in Calistoga for our second Expressive Arts Teacher Training with Chris Zydel. We had our opening circle this evening and it’s been great to hear what each other has been up to since we were together in August. One of the participants, Nadine, made us each a lovely copper ornament. I like the sea glass on mine and that the charm says “laugh often.”
I look forward to a week full of creativity and learning. I won’t be blogging much while I’m here because the Internet connection isn’t working (I’m pecking away at this post from my iPhone on a very weak signal!). I can’t wait to share about my experience when I’m back.
This was my third year doing Art Every Day Month and I have to say that this was the easiest round by far thanks to my itty bitty art journal. In previous years, I had fun experimenting with various mediums from encaustic painting to knitting, from clay to collage, from beads to book arts. This time, I simply focused on filling up my 3″x3″ book with little doodles.
While I’ve been stretching myself and taking up space with my huge intuitive paintings, some of my biggest a-has this month have been from going small during AEDM. It’s been interesting playing with both the wall-sized and palm-sized extremes of the spectrum. To give you a sense of scale, above is a picture of me and my tiny journal in front of one of my big intuitive paintings. Thank you to my intuitive painting classmate and fellow AEDM’er Laura for taking the pictures! (There’s the whole crazy enchilada below and Laura’s sweet dog Ella in the corner).
Here are my AEDM 2009 take-aways and reminders:
- Having limited space to work with was actually liberating. I was free to focus on just creating rather than worrying about form or result.
- Time and again, I proved to myself that with a small surface area all I need is five minutes or less to make art. So really, there’s no excuse!
- With the big paintings I challenge myself to take up space and to explore a wide range of emotions and feelings. With the small sketches, I challenge myself to be focused and succinct.
- The most mundane things can provide the best inspiration. Doing a daily sketch encouraged me to pay attention to the details of my day-to-day life. Adding a humorous twist to otherwise humdrum household matters turned things like dirty dishes or cluttered closets into creative fun.
- While I do well with accountability and structure, it was helpful to let myself off the hook. I set the intention to make art every day, but I told myself that I didn’t have to stress about posting every day or sharing every single piece. I empowered myself to make the challenge work for me and that made the process more doable and enjoyable.
- Just like when I painted every day during the first Expressive Arts Teacher Training, doing art every day in November helped me track my experience. I have a visual record of what I was doing, what I was inspired by, or what I was feeling.
Well, I’m off to go sketch in my journal before the night is up!
Earlier today, workers pounded away at the side of our house. The jarring sounds of demolition echoed through our living room as men hammered at the stucco. We had some water damage that got worse from the last rain storm and it was time for some repairs. I couldn’t stand all the racket, so Brian and I went out for a lovely lunch.
The theme of destruction showed up several times this week. On a call with my coach, I explored parts of myself that I have trouble being with. That side of me that can get really angry and cusses like a sailor. That side that feels like it could get out of control and could decimate what is peaceful and serene. I know, though, that this part is very powerful and it actually helps me honor my boundaries and helps me stand up for myself. When I consciously connect with that energy, I can actually take better care of myself. It’s part of fully owning all of me.
In painting class, Goddess Kali emerged with her unruly hair and blood-thirsty boldness. I was completely engrossed adding all of the gory details in this focused section of my latest large wall-sized painting. Allowing myself to just let the images of destruction flow on the page helped me to claim that shadow part. Before I was ready to move on to another section, I felt compelled to include a wolf, too. I looked it up later and the wolf can symbolize our shadow. I love how the intuition works in mysterious ways!
Following class, I had a coaching call where a client and I screamed together and cursed into our hands to help her move through some anger. We both felt so alive and lighter afterward. I highly recommend it! Connecting earlier with Kali helped me to call on her energy in a productive way.
The act of destruction can be quite empowering. I know that this summer, I had a blast wrecking my journal! That exercise really helped me to have fun with the process.
And with destruction comes rebuilding. The workers will be back at the house tomorrow (I’ll have my earplugs handy!). Now that the rotting wood is exposed at the side of our house, they can replace it with strong, new wood. As Keri Smith says in Wreck This Journal, “To create is to destroy.” And to destroy is to create!
How does destruction and creation show up for you in your life? What pieces of yourself do you need to fully own?
P.S. – If you’re interested in experiencing intuitive painting for yourself, my mentor Chris Zydel is leading a week-long retreat in January in Northern California.
